pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
