I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How does one acquire holy water?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
