She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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