I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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