did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
