My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
