Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
