i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
