im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
