I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
