May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
