sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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