She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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