Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
