You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
