everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
