Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
