At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
