Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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