all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
