So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
