Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
being pregnant is like rehab
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
