are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They have beer where we have blood.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
