just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I pour the whiskey from now on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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