Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
