i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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