You're completely useless in the revolution.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
