Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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