in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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