stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
