Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
