I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
