He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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