The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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