he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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