even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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