clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize