When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
