I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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