That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
3pm strippers are depressing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
