90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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