Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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