He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
