in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
