the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize