My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
