We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
