New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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