im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
