I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
