I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
