Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
