I want to walk on stilts...naked
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
