Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
