dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nicole vs. Life
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
