imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
