Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
