I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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