this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
