can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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