and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
