i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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