and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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