Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize