please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
