hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
