As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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